I have decided that my life is a mess. I am one of those mothers that am seriously feeling guilty. I feel guilty when I miss any part of my children's life. I feel guilty when I work. I feel guilty for taking a shower by myself for more than 15 minutes. It is a guilt that I have learned to deal with as time has gone by. I consider myself a very involved person though. I am an active member of my children's PTO and can, on any given day, be found at the elementary school volunteering. I don't do it so that any one can tell me how good I am doing or what a good parent I am. I do it because I am paranoid. I am paranoid that they might need me for any reason and I will not be there. There is that guilt again. If my son can not 
button his own pants and needs help or if my daughters hair needs to be fixed. ANY REASON. I know that is not a good way to live or a good way for them to see me. I understand that any professional would tell me that I am not going about this right. That I am teaching them to rely on me to much. I know I know. Maybe one day I will learn to move past this guilt of mine and learn that yes they are their own individuals. I will figure it out. I will figure out that I can not control everything when it comes to my children. That all that I can do is love them and protect them and rely on everything good to turn them into good people. The good people that I know that is inside both of them and will someday soon emerge. The life of a mother is not easy. You love these beings and want to keep them forever. It doesn't work out this way no matter how hard you want it to. I feel very blessed that I get to spend as much time with them as I do. There are some parents that see their children in the morning and then they see them when they are putting them to bed. I am with my kids all the time. I think what it really comes down to is I want another baby because I am feeling like my other two don't need me anymore. Boo Hoo Hoo!
button his own pants and needs help or if my daughters hair needs to be fixed. ANY REASON. I know that is not a good way to live or a good way for them to see me. I understand that any professional would tell me that I am not going about this right. That I am teaching them to rely on me to much. I know I know. Maybe one day I will learn to move past this guilt of mine and learn that yes they are their own individuals. I will figure it out. I will figure out that I can not control everything when it comes to my children. That all that I can do is love them and protect them and rely on everything good to turn them into good people. The good people that I know that is inside both of them and will someday soon emerge. The life of a mother is not easy. You love these beings and want to keep them forever. It doesn't work out this way no matter how hard you want it to. I feel very blessed that I get to spend as much time with them as I do. There are some parents that see their children in the morning and then they see them when they are putting them to bed. I am with my kids all the time. I think what it really comes down to is I want another baby because I am feeling like my other two don't need me anymore. Boo Hoo Hoo! 
I love your new blog and look forward to updates. I think guilt is just part of being a mom and wanting to do the best job possible. I think a new baby would be exciting news, keep us posted and keep loving your precious two. They grow up so fast, as you are already experiencing.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were in Hendersonville. I grew up there and return each Monday to help care for my mom that has to have 24 hour care. What part of Hendersonville?